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Song Details
Rank this week: 61 (↑12)
Duration: 3:11 
Release Date: 10/13/1998  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Gerald Marks/Milton Pascal (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Gerald Marks/Milton Pascal (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Tom "T-Bone" Wolk (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Columbia (Sony) (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Gerald Marks Music Inc/Lombardo Music Inc (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: ASCAP  #390096350 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: CANDY, CHRISTMAS, FAT, JOE PESCI, KIDS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK ACCENTS, PROFANITY, REINDEER, SANTA, SNOW, THEFT 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • Joe Pesci of all people skewers this Gene Autry Xmas standard. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • There's a clean version of this- but I'd swear I heard a version where only the kids swearing was censored. At some point, there was a version where there was no censorship. The lyrics to that are below. You have to wonder what he was thinking when he made this. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Santa works all day in his workshop
    Makin' a lotta games and toys
    Then one day he hops in his sleigh
    to bring them to the girls and boys

    Santa's just as nice as he could be
    There's just one ******' thing that worries me..

    If it doesn't snow on Christmas
    How's fatass gonna use that sleigh?
    In case of rain,
    would there be a train
    that'll speed him on his way?

    If it doesn't snow this Christmas
    How's fatass get around to us?
    Say he breaks down
    on his way to town
    Would they let him use a bus?

    I sent him a nice long letter
    and I hope it's not in vain
    I really would feel much better
    if the fat f**k flew a plane

    Now they say he's got eight reindeer
    for the sleigh he's drivin' here
    But how the f**k's he go
    if it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

    Take it, boys..aah, that's so pretty...
    Wunnerful, ******' wunnerful...

    I sent him a nice long letter
    and I hope it's not in vain
    I really would feel much better
    if the fat f**k flew a plane

    Now they say he's got eight reindeer
    for the sleigh he's drivin' here
    But how the f**k's he go
    if it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

    (kids from 'Joe's neighborhood' sing the chorus while Joe talks over them)

    All right! I got a treat for ya! ..

    Listen to these kids! Are they great? ..

    Beautiful, beautiful! ..

    Are these kids great, or what? ..

    Ahhh, they're wonderful, wonderful...

    (...for the sleigh he's driving here
    but how the f**k's he..)
    Ah, ah! Watch your mouths, your mothers might be listenin' now. That's very sweet.

    Terrific, kids, terrific! You're just great. Everybody come over here! Ya did a great job and I got candy for everybody! (Yay!)

    ...Alright! Alright! Which one of you little pricks stole all the ******' candy canes? Ahh, nice, nice kids. Where'd ya get 'em, from a ******' jail? ******' reform school brats! Get the f**k outta here all ah yez!

    (Awww!)

    Girl: "It was Stewart! I saw! You took the candy!"

    "I didn't do nothin'!"

    "Yes, you did!"

    (noise & shouting)

    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 9.0 (1 vote)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "If It Doesn't Snow On Christmas"
     
     
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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