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Song Details
Duration: 4:00 
Release Date: 11/30/1972  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Monty Python (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Ian MacNaughton (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: BBC (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • The 'Biggles' sketch from the infamous Episode 33. The fictional WWI pilot from the W.E. Johns novels is portrayed as himself (albeit an insane version) rather than the "Spanish Inquisitor" from Ep. 15. The Pythons are rather less charitable to Biggles' cohorts, Algy and Ginger, though. He is also mentioned briefly in both the Python and the 'At Last The 1948 Show' versions of the "Bookshop" sketch.

    This sketch sets the stranger than usual tone for the whole episode. In addition to being more (comically) violent than most, it goes well out of its way to cause what's described in an entirely different episode as "grievous mental confusion to the great British public". (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Voice Over (John Cleese): The Adventures of Biggles. Part one - Biggles dictates a letter.

    (Mix through to Biggles and secretary in an office)

    Biggles (Graham Chapman): Miss Bladder, take a letter.

    Secretary (Nicki Howorth): Yes, Señor Biggles.

    Biggles: Don't call me Señor! I'm not a Spanish person. You must call me Mr Biggles, or Group Captain Biggles or Mary Biggles if I'm dressed as my wife, but never Señor.

    Secretary: Sorry.

    Biggles: I've never even been to Spain.

    Secretary: You went to Ibiza last year.

    Biggles: That's still not grounds for calling me Señor, or Don Beeg-les for that matter. Right, Dear King Haakon...

    Secretary: Of Norway, is that?

    Biggles: Just put down what I say.

    Secretary: Do I put that down?

    Biggles: Of course you don't put that down.

    Secretary: Well, what about that?

    Biggles: Look. (she types) Don't put that down. Just put down - wait a mo - wait a too. (puts on antlers) Now, when I've got these antlers on - when I've got these antlers on I am dictating and when I take them off (takes them off) I am not dictating.

    Secretary: (types) I am not dictating.

    Biggles: What? (she types; puts the antlers on) Read that back.

    Secretary: Dear King Haakon, I am not dictating what?

    Biggles: No, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate.

    Secretary: I've had enough of this. I am not a courtesan. (moves round to front of the desk, sits on it and crosses her legs provocatively)

    Biggles: Oh, oh, 'courtesan', oh aren't we grand? Harlot's not good enough for us, eh? Paramour, concubine, fille de joie. That's what we're not. Well listen to me, my fine fellow. You are a bit of tail, that's what you are.

    Secretary: I am not, you demented fictional character.

    Biggles: Algy says you are. He says you're no better than you should be.

    Secretary: And how would he know?

    Biggles: And just what do you mean by that? Are you calling my old fictional comrade-in-arms a fairy?

    Secretary: Fairy! Poof's not good enough for Algy, is it. He's got to be a bleedin' fairy. Mincing old RAF queen.

    Biggles: (into the intercom) Algy, I have to see you.

    Algy: Right ho. (he enters) What ho everyone.

    Biggles: Are you gay?

    Algy: I should bally well say so, old fruit.

    Biggles: Ugh! (he shoots him) Dear King Haakon ... oh ... (takes the antlers off) Dear King Haakon. (the secretary types) Just a line to thank you for the eels. Mary thought they were really scrummy, comma, so did I full stop. I've just heard that Algy was a poof, exclamation mark. What would Captain W. E. Johns have said, question mark. Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the lawn-edger, could you pop it in the post. Love Biggles, Algy deceased and Ginger. Ginger! (puts the antlers on)

    Secretary: What?

    Biggles: Rhyming slang - ginger beer.

    Secretary: Oh.

    Biggles: (into the intercom) Ginger.

    Ginger: Hello, sweetie.

    Biggles: I have to see you.

    (The door opens, Ginger enters as a terrible poof in camp flying gear, sequins, eye make-up, silver stars on his cheeks.)

    Ginger: Yes, Biggles?

    Biggles: Are you a poof

    Ginger: (camp outrage) I should say not!

    Biggles: Thank God for that. Good lad. (Ginger exits) Stout fellow, salt of the earth, backbone of England. Funny, he looks like a poof. (takes off the antlers) Dear Princess Margaret.

    (Pantomime Princess Margaret enters from cupboard)

    Margaret: Hello.

    Biggles: Get back in the cupboard you pantomimetic royal person. (she goes)

    (Quick cut to a loony - also played by Graham Chapman)

    Loony: Lemon curry?

    (Cut back to Biggles)

    Biggles: Dear real Princess Margaret, thank you for the eels, full stop. They were absolutely delicious and unmistakably regal, full stop. Sorry to mench but if you've finished with the hairdryer could you pop it in the post. Yours fictionally Biggles, Oh, PS see you at the Saxe-Coburgs' canasta evening. (puts the antlers on) That should puzzle her.

    Secretary: (sexily) Si Señor Biggles.

    Biggles: Silence, naughty lady of the night!

    (Bring up heroic music and mix through to stock film of fighter planes in dog-fight.)

    Voice Over: Next week part two - 'Biggles Flies Undone'.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Biggles Dictates a Letter"
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