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Song Details
Rank this week: 121 (↓17)
Duration: 5:18 
Release Date: 1980  (I B Emerson) 
Lyrics By: Shel Silverstein (I B Emerson) 
Music By: Shel Silverstein (I B Emerson) 
Produced By: Bobby Bare (I B Emerson) 
Released By: Columbia JC-36323 (I B Emerson) 
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Facts:
  • Lyrics were written by Shel Silverstein (ChrisWolvie)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I was settin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine
    When in walked this chick who almost struck me blind
    Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
    On a scale of one to ten I'd give her a nine

    Now on my scale there ain't no tens you know
    Nine is bout as far as any chick can go
    So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
    So for brains and good judgment I'd give her a three

    I said,"Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight
    You and me could make eighteen if your head's on straight"
    She looked up and down my perfect frame
    Then said these words that burned into my perfect brain

    She said,"Well, another one of those macho-matician men
    Who grade all women on scales of one to ten
    And you give me an eight, well that's a generous thing to do
    Now let's just see just how much I give you"

    She said,"You comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive.
    Your style makes me smile, I give it a five
    When you walked up, I noticed that suit of yours
    It's a last-year's double-knit frayed-cuff, I give it a four

    That must be your car parked out on the curb
    That's '69 homemade convertible a three and a third
    Now as for that build, I guess you're less than a five
    'Cept for your potbelly, I give that a ten for size

    That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
    But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a two
    It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
    I give it a six, you could use some dental work

    But it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
    It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a half
    And there really ain't too much to add once the subtractin's done
    But since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one"

    Then she walked out while up and down the line
    The whole bar was laughin', said Bare, what happened to your nine
    Nine says I, hell, soon as she started to talk I knew
    This b***h didn't have no class, I barely give her a two

    Yeah, no matter how good they look at first, there's flaws in all of them
    That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend, there ain't no tens
    (I B Emerson)
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    Current Rating 10.0 (3 votes)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Numbers"
     
     
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